i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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