her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
