do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
