I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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