i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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