I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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