note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
