I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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