I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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