4 words: hood of his car
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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