If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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