hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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