The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
