I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
