I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
