go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
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It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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