Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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