I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He kissed a someone with a penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
