I just cut my nipple shaving
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
