What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
