I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
