i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
