You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
