im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
