Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
