where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
