Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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