i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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