Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
