thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
