so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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