someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
