Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
