Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My feet surprised me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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