yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
