The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
