I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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