Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
