I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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