Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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