Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
