would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
