eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
