I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
