i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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