I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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