Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
