the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
