My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
