Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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