What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
