hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
