my phone needs a breathalizer
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
