she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
then he tried to convert me to islam
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
