worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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