6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
