Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
