I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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