you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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