i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
