I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I want is dick and wine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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