Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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