If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
