o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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