I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
