so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
