bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
