I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
