No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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