Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
