hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
