i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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