she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she told me i tasted like america
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
