the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
