hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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