It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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