yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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