During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
