I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
