just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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