i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
