i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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