dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this just has baby written all over it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Found the puke drawer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
