i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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