oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
