Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
