he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
false alarm, still single
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