when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
