Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
