I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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