not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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