I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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