sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
