Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
